To be honest, I wasn’t planning on sharing another baby update after my last share at 34 weeks as well as the post I had shared about what I was packing in my hospital bag! It’s not that I thought she would come THAT early, but I had this feeling that she was going to arrive a bit earlier especially because of all the symptoms I had been feeling the last two weeks (that started around 37 weeks) - turns out I was completely wrong.

I decided to write this as the weeks progressed because it is something that I can always look back on and mostly I am grateful to share my experiences with you all too. Sometimes I find it comforting when I realize that others are going through the same as me, even though all of our experiences and journeys are different - the feelings, symptoms, and the emotions can somewhat the same and we have this underlying and mutual understanding of what this is all like.

Also, just talking or writing about how I am feeling is therapeutic for me.

I sit here writing this at exactly 39 weeks, but waiting to share until I am just two days shy of 40 weeks. Technically I have exactly one week left as my due date is August 31st - so she could surprise us and still come early or I might even have another week post my due date. I think that the due dates that the doctors give us from the start, set us up for a bit of false hope and cause us to focus way too much on the actual date. Then, if the baby comes earlier or super late - we automatically assume the worst or there is something wrong with us and/or the baby. However, having a certain date in mind and having other friends who have gone a few weeks early did help and allow me to prepare a bit for her - which is a good thing! At the same time, knowing I only have potentially 7 days left - I am getting a bit anxious for her arrival, frustrated, and impatient. I am not necessarily nervous about the actual birthing process - I am aware that it will be challenging, hard, and one of the most difficult things I will go through but I am more anxious about what happens IF she is late. Will I have to get a C-section or will I have to be induced? I am hoping for a vaginal birth, but know that I can’t control every little detail and will have to ultimately go with what is the best and healthiest for both the baby and I.

The longer I wait the more uncomfortable I feel both mentally and physically - yet at the same time it is very comforting to know that she is fully developed and considered full term! I am very lucky.

The end will be worth it and this physical pain is just temporary! That is what I keep saying to myself as I wake up each morning!

I would say that for me personally, the the last 3 weeks have been the most challenging and difficult. Around 37 weeks until 38 - I started to feel extremely sick - nauseas and wasn’t able to keep any food down. I will say that up until then I have been pretty lucky and never got sick once - even in the first trimester! I thought that just maybe she was making her appearance and felt that my body was riding itself of everything - gross I know - but that is what can happen! I could barely get out of bed, eat, and was afraid to leave the house for too long because I knew I would be so sick. I was also having major contractions and thought I had lost my mucus plus. I called the doctor and told them of my symptoms and how I was feeling. I was supposed to call back if things progressed - but everything stayed the same. At this time, I was also nesting like CRAZY. I was reorganizing everything over and over again. Despite feeling so tired - I had bursts of energy at certain times and totally took advantage of that! I was also experiencing very vivid dreams of the birth each night….

I had my 38 week check up and talked to the doctor about everything that was happening and she said it was normal and didn’t make it seem that labor was starting - yet it very well could be and just take a few weeks! It is amazing that we are all different and we can’t base our pregnancies on any other persons. She also checked my cervix and it was completely closed. I left the doctors office, sat in my car, and just cried. I knew it was a combination of being disappointed in having a closed cervix (because I was anxious for her to arrive), feeling physically sick each day and wondering how I will continue for another few weeks, and just realizing once again that I am completely NOT in control of this process. Also, I became SUPER frustrated for having a closed cervix and in hindsight that is nothing to get upset over because it can truly change within a matter of hours and days. At this point, I had been googling everything: my symptoms, signs of labor - you name it! I suggest not doing that :) Unfortunately this affected my entire mood as I headed into the weekend - I wasn’t able to sleep and just felt blah. I felt guilty about this, looking back on it, but I think it is only natural to feel this way! It’s totally normal to feel “over it” at this point and the feelings are valid.

Once the new week started, I planned to focus a great deal of my energy on work and getting ahead! I woke up each morning ready to start the day and it turned out to be one of the best distractions for me, despite everything that I was feeling. I was also accomplishing a great deal of work and was really happy with it which helped elevate my mood. A lot of my friends and others told me or mentioned that I should plan for one thing each day to do - whether it is with a friend or for myself. I decided to continue to keep myself distracted with not only work, but other things that made me feel good - read books, got pedicures, take salt baths, go see a movie with Todd, went on longer slow walks, and even had my haircut or a few blow outs. It sounds so silly to take that time out for yourself, but it really did make me feel pretty good! I realized that these are luxuries and I wouldn’t be able to up and go whenever I wanted to when the baby is here.

During the start of the 38th week I was again, getting contractions again. These were more intense - a few times I wasn’t able to walk through them nor talk and I thought FOR SURE this was IT.

However, they weren’t regular or consistent enough for me to make the call to the doctor and I just didn’t really have that gut feeling….These contractions were on and off for the entire week. Once again I also had zero appetite, was extremely thirsty, and had terrible low back pain. I wasn’t able to workout or go on daily walks which left me disappointed because I looked at that as another way to distract myself but there was no sense in pushing myself or making things worse. The hip and back pain was honestly too much to handle at certain times and made it pretty difficult to sleep. I had never experienced this type of back pain during the entire pregnancy. It truly left me in tears each day, made it extremely difficult to walk, and sleep on my side. I hate sounding dramatic but there were times during the day that I couldn’t even stand up or walk around because it was unbearable….but I continued to keep myself distracted until I saw the doctor again.

Once again, I left the doctors office with a closed cervix but he did say that I was starting to thin out - which can be a positive sign yet mean nothing at all since like I’ve mentioned before everything can change at any point. I was upset but in much better shape than the week before and started to not get my hopes up each day. I think that if this happens to you, don’t become discouraged and allow it to ruin the rest of your day or even week. I’ve had friends that have been dilated 3CM for 2 weeks and then others that weren’t dilated and went into labor the very next day. I know it can be frustrating hearing that news when you are so close towards the end, but you just have to hang in there and let your body run its course.

I think that the biggest symptoms for me the last few weeks have been major low back pain as my body is not used to the extra weight, lack of sleep, little to no appetite, and having a rollercoaster of emotions.

For the back pain, there isn’t too much that I could do towards the end of the pregnancy. Things like getting a massage or seeing a chiropractor would be amazing, but since she is coming any day now - I just don’t have the time or the opportunity to do that. I will say that I had a pre-natal massage in my second trimester and it was AMAZING. If you have the chance to do that - even if it is just one time- I highly recommend treating yourself to one! Things that I have been doing to “help” the pain are long salt baths, heating pad or ice, drinking a a lot of water, walking if I can even if its just for a few minutes to keep blood flowing, and unfortunately taking things like tylenol. I hate taking tylenol and haven’t taken it once during the pregnancy until now because it usually bothers my stomach.

I am also shocked as to how I am just not hungry. For almost a week I went to bed without eating dinner, which made me feel really guilty but I just did NOT want to eat at all. I kind of thought that this was such a myth, but between feeling tired, sick, and emotionally drained I couldn’t nor felt like eating much towards the end of the day - because of this I made sure I ate a variety of foods (protein, fiber, veggies, fruit etc) during the day or at least had big nutritious smoothies first thing in the AM or for lunch and then made sure I had tons of water throughout the day!

Essentially it is a major waiting game the last week or so. People are always telling me to enjoy the last few weeks or days as you never know when it will happen, but at the same time there isn’t too much to do- or I should say when you feel in a lot of physical pain it can be harder to enjoy certain things. BUT - I am still working, burying myself in books, and trying my best to take a few walks each week- which is great and have been really happy with being able to do that. It is also interesting because I haven’t been fearful of whats to come but more emotional because of the lack of sleep and the major physical pain that I am in. Knowing that the pain will pass soon is comforting!

I scheduled my last apt for this upcoming Thursday (today!), which is why I am waiting to share the post until then. At the doctors apt, my cervix was still closed - surprise! The doctor didn’t offer any hope that I would go into labor naturally as of right now and we had to schedule an apt. with the hospital for cervical ripening to help open my cervix, which can take anywhere from 24 to 36 hours. It may or may not work, but of course, hoping for the best!! The apt. is scheduled and I will wait until then.

You are given a round of medicine and then monitored over the next few hours or even sent home. Your cervix is checked again and if there is no improvement more medication is given. As of right now I am not sure how my body will react but I know that it will be a long, tiring, and probably uneasy few days. The doctors told me to be prepared for a long process. If there is no improvement I will have to potentially schedule a C-Section. Obviously there is no RIGHT or wrong way to deliver a baby. Many of my friends have had C-Sections and many have had vaginal births. I think that it really comes down to making sure you and the baby are healthy and which way is the best way for the both of you. I think since I originally never thought it would come down to this process I just have mentally prepared myself for it! Either way, its all about perspective and doing what is the best.

Cervical ripening is essentially prep work for the next stage to then induce me for labor. I can’t be induced unless my cervix is dilated. However, all of this is in the air and I truly have to wait and see how my body does during this process. Personally, I feel uneasy about the situation and the days ahead but knowing that the end results in us having a baby, is truly the best thing! I think it is just nerves kicking in and wondering the possibilities of what will happen as you have zero control over the situation.

I was hoping that I was somewhat dilated as she would have been able to do a membrane sweeping but I wasn’t close to be opening so it wasn’t an option. She mentioned things like acupuncture and even having sex can help bring on labor but personally I don’t feel like running around to an acupuncturist these last few days! It is really hard to know how your body will react until you try certain methods.

I can still feel the baby quite a bit, but I have lost over 5 pounds, lost my appetite, and the pain in my back is becoming unbearable! This obviously wasn’t my original plan and was hoping to go into labor spontaneously - which I guess I still could over the weekend and until the date of the cervical ripening procedure! After leaving the doctors office I had mixed feelings - I cried, was anxious, excited, frustrated but happy that I have Todd on my side through this and happy that soon enough we will have her in our hands.

I decided to share this post with you all in hopes not to frustrate you in thinking that this will be your journey towards the end, but just to hang in there as the days feel longer or seem to be getting harder! It will be so worth it when it is over and I am sure that we will all miss many aspects of being pregnant - I know I will!

Keeping myself busy, trying to eat as best as I can, staying hydrated and just getting outside when I can has been helpful! Anything to distract you and keep your mind off things has been super positive for me! Also, not feeling guilty for taking breaks, naps, or even watching TV in the middle of the day is a GOOD thing.

Despite everything I truly can’t believe that she will be here soon. I think that this time has gone by so fast and I am so excited to see how the next few weeks, months, and beyond play out. It has been one of the most blissful, confusing, and indescribable experiences I have ever been through! I would do it all over again a million times more.